I'm one of those types of people, that say "oh I'll start my diet Monday"... and that Monday comes and goes. I NEED to lose weight. I have health issues from being over weight and other health issued caused me to be over weight and make it hard to lose the weight. I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid that if I don't lose the weight that I want to lose, I'll beat myself up over it. I actually need to lose about 100 pounds to be near "ideal for my height." It's overwhelming. I've lost weight in the past, but gained it all back. I don't know why I make excuses as to why I can't go for that walk today. I can't walk far distances, because of my back, and that is one of my main excuses.
But today it hit me... I went to Domino's Pizza for lunch. I ordered a medium pizza for carryout. I only had a few slices, and I figured that since their pizza's are so small, I'd have enough for lunch, dinner and breakfast tomorrow. As I was walking out of the place, this guy (probably about 45-50 year old and very nasty) said to me "are you going to eat that all yourself fatty?"... I didn't respond.. then he said "You can come over to my place and share it with me, I like fatties." I couldn't even think of a come back at the time, I was upset, and angry. I know I've put on weight, but hearing someone call me that was like a knife through my heart.
I know my husband liked me better when I was thinner. When we met I only weighed 163 pounds... and back then I thought I was fat/weighed a lot... Add 100 pounds to that, 8.5 years later. ugh, just typing that kills me. I wish I had someone that wanted to work out with me and that could help me be accountable for working out/eating right. I think I'm pretty good with eating/nutrition, when i want to be. It's hard to eat the way I want to right now since I'm not really cooking for myself, or buying groceries. Living with family makes it hard. But I've started... I've cut all caffeine out, and slowly cutting all soda out and trying to drink more water. I need to start trying harder, I NEED this.
